Its been really difficult trying to be a full time mother and do all things possible under the sun that I want to be doing, writing, acting, designing, sewing etc, but that isn’t a complaint. I am not a complainer, in fact I am the opposite, adversity has always been my best motivator and for what its worth I am very blessed. I have learnt so much about myself in this last year, so much about people I love, so much about people I thought were in my corner, so much about broken dreams and plans, so much about letting life happen and whilst all that is going on, also learning to completely take control as well. I think mostly I have come to understand that I am a complex woman to love, and more importantly love and acceptance of self must comes first when the goal is success, family and stability. This in no way is a bad thing, it is absolutely why things have just began to get better. Positive perception of self is sometimes blurred by a general consensus of others’ judgements. A lot of us are conditioned by upbringing, environment and failing systems of parenthood, some alot more complex than others, but ideally most of who we are has come about from the combination of experiences, individuals and environment. I have endured this long because of love, love for life, love for sharing, love for the good in every wrong action, love of “knowing’ true love and its intangible aesthetic and belief that we all deserve to have it in our lives.
The tapestry of our lives runs deep. I am finding through each obstacle path, a new direction is found, this has to be great news as I am steering forward. It surely means that growth is taking place and that a settled footing is upon me. Maybe you can identify, maybe for you life always came easy, either way, there is always a good reason to pat yourself on the back in the face of realised progress. Love may not happen when and where and with whom you want it to, but Im also very sure that I know the people who are meant to be a part of my future, almost immediately, some call it intuition, I simply call it Jah love. It strikes you dead in your path and it tells you that this soul is a good one and is here to stay, so take the time to connect.
So all the excuses I could find to not achieve my goals are now non existent to me. FEAR of failure will only limit your happiness. On nights like this when like any other single gal I long for cuddles and hugs snugggled up looking at a good movie, I’m reminded that I have to put in the work first. I have to tweak the product somewhat to yield the best partnership deal. Its worth it all - to give your all. We can walk for miles and miles of grass, gravel and weeds and thorny bush, sure enough you will always stumble upon a flower…even the flower needs some dirt. :)
Love and Light